eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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