I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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