Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
