So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
