Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
