Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
