I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
