You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
