Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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