i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
