Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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