I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
