Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
