I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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