4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
