It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
