I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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