i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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