Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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