Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
