Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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