Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
