wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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