you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
