The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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