the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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