The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
