the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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