You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
