That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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