i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
