that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
