ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
