It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
