Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
