just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
