just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
