I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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