If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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