I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
