we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
