Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
