He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
