I'm gonna have a badass scar
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
