I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
