An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
