Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
