you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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