highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
