Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
