Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
