theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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