Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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