hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
