you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
