the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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