K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
