Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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